


Lost and Found (Fic)

by Wagnetic



Category: due South
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Community: ds_c6d_bigbang, Gen, M/M, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 05:52:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2417351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wagnetic/pseuds/Wagnetic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Complimentary fic for JackyMedan's "Lost and Found".</p><p>"1975: 14-year-old Ray Kowalski is lost in the Canadian wilderness when he meets Ben, who offers to help Ray find his way back."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost and Found (Fic)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JackyMedan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackyMedan/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Lost and Found](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2412914) by [JackyMedan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JackyMedan/pseuds/JackyMedan). 



> A million 'thank you's to Sineala for betaing, especially on such short notice.

Ray had never wanted to go on this freaking trip to this freaking town in the middle of nowhere anyway. “The fresh air will be good for you,” his dad had said. Fat lot of good it’d done him. Okay, maybe it had been his own fault for getting distracted by that rustling noise, but it was boring out here and he’d thought it might have been a moose or something. There were supposed to be a lot of moose in Canada, right? Anything would have been more interesting than standing around while his mom talked about how pretty the trees were. It wasn’t like they didn’t have any trees in Chicago. There were parks and stuff.

But he’d been out here for what felt like forever and he had no idea where he was. His parents were going to kill him. And he hadn’t even gotten to see a moose. This sucked big time. And yeah, maybe he was starting to get a little freaked out thinking about what would happen if no one found him. He’d have to learn to catch fish and live off berries and he didn’t know which ones were poisonous. With his luck, he’d probably get mauled by some wild animal first. That’d be an embarrassing way to die.

He was so busy thinking about getting torn up by wolverines that he didn’t seen the root until it was too late. Apparently this day hadn’t been bad enough already. Now he had a skinned knee, and his pants were torn up, and his mom was going to be mad about that too. It shouldn’t have been such a big deal since his parents were always mad about something, but he started to cry. He was such a wimp. The one thing that could have made it worse would be if someone had been here to see him.

“Hey…”

Oh God, someone was right behind him. Ray scrambled backwards, as though that could possibly get him away fast enough this this guy was bad news. Where had he even come from? But when he got a look, it was just a kid around his age. Okay, not _just_ a kid. He was a guy about Ray’s height, but he’d grown into his limbs in a way Ray hadn’t. He had blue eyes and brown hair that looked a little mussed, thick-ish eyebrows, and pretty lips. And he was really, really cute.

“It’s okay—I just want to help,” he said. He had a nice voice, too. He looked confident for a kid out on his own and he had a big backpack with him, so he was here on purpose. That was a good sign. “What’s your name? I’m Ben.”

“I’m…” You weren’t supposed to tell random people in the woods your name, were you? But at this point it probably wouldn’t hurt. “Ray.”

“Pleased to meet you, Ray.”

He stuck out his hand, and Ray shook it. He’d never seen anyone his age shake hands, but it couldn’t hurt to be polite.

“You too. Look, I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but how did you find me?”

“I… That is…” Oh boy. This was going to be bad. “Well, I heard you.”

“You heard me? I wasn’t crying that loud.”

“No, you weren’t,” Ben assured him. “I just have particularly good hearing.” Well that was a tiny bit less embarrassing. Ray supposed he should just be grateful that Ben had found him at all. “If you’d like, I could put some ointment on your knee. My father taught me how to make it.”

Why not? Ray had always had good instincts, and his instincts were telling him that Ben was someone he could trust. “Yeah, okay.”

“Good.” Ben got this bright little smile on his face, and Ray had never heard anyone sound so happy to fix up someone’s leg before. But Ben had come to help Ray as soon as he’d heard him, so maybe he just liked to feel helpful. “Let me put my pack down and I’ll clean it up for you.”

Ben fished out a little bottle and squeezed a little bit of the ointment onto his fingers. Ray got a whiff of it when Ben squeezed it out and… eww.

“What is that stuff? It stinks.”

“It’ll disinfect the wound and speed up the healing process.”

“Ouch.” Why did everything people put on cuts have to hurt?

Ben ignored that, which was nice of him. Ray had made a fool of himself already.

“You’re not from around here, are you?” Geez, what gave it away, him freaking out and crying on the ground, maybe?

“Nah… I’m from Chicago. My mom and dad and me are on a camping trip… but ehm, I kinda wandered off and got lost.”

“Hmm… I know the area quite well. I’ll gladly try and help you find your way back.”

“Really? I mean, thanks.”

Ben was definitely going for the World’s Most Helpful Guy award. Not that Ray. Ben picked up his bag, stood, and offered Ray a hand up.

“Can you tell me what your campsite’s called?”

Ray shifted from foot to foot. He knew he was making himself look worse, but he always fidgeted when he got uncomfortable. “I have no idea. I wasn’t really paying attention.”

Ben looked like he was trying not to smile. He was probably holding back from saying, “No, really?”

“There are two main sites, so if you can describe it for me I can figure out which one it is.”

“It’s pretty close to town and there are showers. My mom didn’t want to go somewhere without showers.” Ben just kept looking at him. Not helpful, then. “And there’s a tower thing.”

“Ah, that’s J’ak. I can get you there, but it’s going to take a while. You ended up pretty far away.”

“My dad got a rental car and we drove to the start of the trail. That’s where I wandered off.”

“We’d better get going then,” Ben said. He sounded way too cheerful about it.

\-----

The hike was fun at first. Ray got a chance to look at the scenery, which was actually really nice. There definitely wasn’t anything like it in Chicago. They still could have found plenty of forests closer to home, but Ray was getting to like this one. The only problem was that he to get out of breath pretty quick. He’d always been scrawny, but he wasn’t weak or anything. He did okay in gym. There was no way to get around it though, he was struggling here.

“Hang on,” he mumbled. “Give me a minute here. Unlike you, I don’t know how to hike out in the middle of nowhere.”

“Sorry, Ray,” Ben said. “I usually go on my own so I don’t think about keeping pace with anyone. I should have thought…” Ben bit his lip. Great, now Ray had made him sad

“Hey, no, it’s fine. Let’s just take it a little slower, okay?”

After that, Ray didn’t have to worry about falling behind, and Ben chattered away about the plants like he was one of those identification guides Ray’s dad brought on the trip. Ray learned that the trees were coniferous (not carnivorous), the provincial flower of the Northwest Territories was the mountain avens, which was in the rose family, and there were a zillion different kinds of lichen.

“And that one with the white flowers and the spiky leaves is Nepeta Cataria,” Ben told him.

“Sounds like a place where they’d serve cats.”

“What?”

“Like a pizzeria serves pizza.”

Ben giggled. Actually giggled. Man, that was cute. Ray was going to have to say as many weird things as possible. That’d be easy for him, since he thought all kinds of weird things to begin with. He just tried not to say them out loud most of the time.

“It’s just catnip.”

“Hey, I was right about the cats,” Ray said.

It was all going pretty well and Ray even got a few more giggles out of Ben, but it wasn’t so fun when the sun started to go down. It didn’t go down all the way at this time of year, but got dark enough to make Ray nervous.

“Ben, you think we’re going to get there soon?” He hated how high his voice got, but he couldn’t help it.

Ben paused for a moment. “No, I don’t think we will. We should probably stop for the night soon.”

“Out here?” Silly question. Where else were they going to stop? It wasn’t like Ben was going to pull a cabin out of his bag.

“It won’t be so bad. I carry a bedroll with me, and I know how to make a fire.”

“Why do you have a bedroll? Were you planning on sleeping here?”

“No,” Ben said, “but I carry one on long hikes, just in case. Proper preparation prevents poor performance.” He said the last bit in that tone everybody used when they said the Pledge of Allegiance.

Walking around in the woods was different than walking on flat streets, and Ray didn’t want to admit it, but his legs were getting sore. He hadn’t been this worn out in forever.

It must have showed on his face, because Ben said, “If you want to stop now, we can do that,” and before Ray could answer, Ben was already pulling off his pack and crouching down to fish through it. “You’re probably pretty hungry. I’ve got pemmican.”

Ray crouched down next to him. “What’s pemmican?” He imagined Ben taking a miniature pelican with those weird puffy cheeks out of his bag. Or were those puffins?

Ben pulled out a little pouch, opened it, and shook… something into Ray’s hand. It was a little brown ball with some kind of dried fruit inside, but the texture was weird and it smelled sort of like beef jerky.

“This is pemmican.”

“What’s in it?” Ben grinned at him, and Ray was sure he wasn’t going to like the answer.

“Crushed up dried caribou meat, an equal amount of tallow, and a handful of dried choke cherries. ”

“Wait, wait. Tallow? Isn’t that just fat?”

“Mm-hmm. It’s good for getting the right amount of calories when it gets really cold in the winter. It’s good to take hiking because you only need to eat a tiny bit, so it saves on storage.”

“It’s half caribou jerky and half plain old fat?” The thought of it was making him a little queasy.

Ben gave him a concerned look. “That’s what I just said. Are you feeling alright?”

“I’m fine. Just… It doesn’t sound like my kind of thing.”

Ben’s grin came back. “I’ve got energy bars too.”

“You were making fun of me!”

“I couldn’t resist. Chocolate peanut butter or oatmeal raisin?”

Ray went for the chocolate peanut butter, and energy bars had never tasted so good. Ray hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he took the first bite, and then he had to do his best not to just stuff his face. He hoped Ben had a lot of bars, because otherwise he was going to end up eating one of those balls of fat after all. Ben ate at regular human speed and looked perfectly happy, like there was nothing in the world that could bother him.

“You’re parents are going to be pretty worried about you, huh?” Ray asked.

“I live with my grandparents. They’ll be angry, but they know I have some wilderness skills, so they won’t be as worried as your parents are going to be.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm-hmm. My dad teaches me tracking skills when he’s around and Quinn, my mentor, teaches me too, so my grandparents know I can find my way back.”

Ray reached for another bar before he remembered his manners. “Ehm, can I have another one?”

“Of course,” Ben said.

Ray went for the oatmeal raisin this time. It wasn’t as good, but that might have been because he wasn’t starving anymore.

“What do your grandparents do around here anyway?” Ray asked.

“They’re traveling librarians. We move from village to village every two years or so.”

“I thought they’d have bookmobiles or something.”

“Bookmobiles aren’t practical here. The next village is about an hour away and you can only drive there over an ice road, so it couldn’t be a year-round service.”

“It must suck having to move around all the time.”

Ben’s voice stayed perfectly neutral, but the way his eyebrows drew together a little made it obvious that he was hurting. “It isn’t easy,” he said. “I miss my friends when I have to go but I understand why it’s important. Access to an array of books is vital for a complete education.” There was another of his memorized lines.

Ray didn’t like that sad look on him. He wanted Ben happy and confident and giggling. He scooted over to sit next to Ben and slung an arm around his shoulder. Ray wasn’t good with words, but he could give Ben this. Ben stiffened up for a minute and Ray was about to apologize and let go, but then Ben leaned against him. His breath came out in the smallest hint of a sigh, and Ray tightened his arm and pulled him closer.

He wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but when Ben pulled away from him, his body stayed relaxed. “Come on,” he said. “Lets keep going.”

“Really? It’s getting pretty late.”

“Just until we find a flat place to sleep,” Ben promised. He gathered up their wrappers and tucked them into another little pouch like the one he carried the fat balls in, and they moved on until Ben found a spot he liked.

“We’ll set up camp here.”

“Camp?”

“Well, it’s only a bedroll and a fire, but it’ll have to do.”

“One bedroll?”

“I didn’t anticipate having company,” Ben said. “We can share.”

“It’s kind of small for two people.”

That was just “reason why this is a bad idea” number one. B, it was weird for two _guys_ to share a bedroll, and three, a guy who was kind of starting to like another guy should never sleep on the same bedroll as the guy he was kind of starting to like. That was one of those unofficial rules.

Ben gave him A Look like the kind his mom gave him when he didn’t do his homework. “You can sleep on the ground if you like, but I don’t recommend it.”

“Right, okay, I’ll shut up. Bedroll and fire is good. Great.”

Ben kept walking, and Ray hurried to catch up with him.

“Hey, where are you going? I thought we were stopping here.”

“We are, but I have to hang up the bag.”

“Why?”

“I have to hang it in a tree away from the campsite so that if a bear smells the food it won’t get close to us.”

Ray stayed quiet as long as he could, but eventually he had to ask. “What happens if we do run into a bear?”

“Attacks are much less frequent than you might think, but in case of emergencies, I do carry bear spray with me.”

“Bear spray, huh? Is that like Mace spray?”

“The chemical composition is a little different, but both contain oleoresin capsicum.”

“Ole what?”

“Oleoresin capsicum. It’s oil from cayenne peppers.”

“Like the stuff they put in salsa sometimes?”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“So in case a bear attacks us, I shouldn’t worry because you’re armed with salsa.”

That got him another giggle, which was almost worth knowing that a little bottle of spray was the only thing that was going to keep him from being dinner if their luck ran out.

Ben pulled another one of his little pouches out of the bag and handed it to Ray. He unclipped the blue thing from the bottom of the bag, which Ray guessed was the bedroll, and got out a set of ropes (geez, what didn’t he have in there?) which he used to hoist the bag up into the tree. The whole thing only took a couple minutes, and then they headed back to place Ben had chosen for their campsite.

“Did you get the bear spray?” Ray asked.

“It’s in my pocket.”

“Good.”

“You don’t have to be worried, Ray. You’re more likely to get struck by lightning than killed by a bear.”

Ray noticed that Ben didn’t tell him how unlikely it was that they’d be _attacked_ by a bear, but at least they probably wouldn’t die.

“You know a lot of weird stuff.”

“I like learning.”

“I don’t. I’m horrible in school.”

“I’m sure you’re not.” Ben didn’t sound like he was lying, but he was probably just being nice. Someone as smart as Ben would be able to figure that one out.

“I am. I did pretty well in Shop, but I had to re-take English.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why?’ Why does anyone fail English?”

“I don’t really know.”

“Of course you don’t.” Ray sighed. “I bet you never failed anything in your life.”

Now Ray knew what people meant when they talked about someone’s face falling. Ben dropped his head and stared at the ground like a little kid getting told off. He had that expression that Ray’s dad got sometimes when he talked about working at the plant.

“I’ve failed before.”

Ray got the feeling that they weren’t talking about school anymore. That was not a “one time I got an F on a test” face. So failing at stuff wasn’t an okay topic for Ben, but school was. People usually felt better talking about things they were good at, right?

“What I mean is I can’t spell for crap, and I can’t write. I mean, I can write, I’m not illiterate, but I can’t write stuff how you’re supposed to for essays. I write like I talk, and that’s not how it’s supposed to be. I can’t even talk right in the first place. But I don’t know how else to do it.”

“That doesn’t determine your intelligence.”

“Says the guy who knows the Latin names for plants.”

“It’s a hobby. I enjoy learning facts, so I learn them.”

“Really? That’s what you do for fun?”

“One thing, yes.” Ooh, that was a snippy voice. Good. A snippy voice was a hell of a lot better than a sad voice and it only took Ben a second to calm down. “What do you do?”

“I play baseball. I’m even pretty good at it. Best batter in my neighborhood, anyway. I play hockey, too.”

That got Ray a smile, and Ben’s smiles were almost as good as his laughs.

“I love hockey. My friend Mark and I used to practice every day in the winter. He plays better than I do, but I never told him that. He’s already got a big enough ego, though he’s got a good reason in this case.”

“You used to practice? So you don’t anymore?”

“He moved away last year. I still play with my other friends though. Innusiq and June aren’t as good as Mark either, but they’re still good players. You should join us sometime.”

Then Ben froze up and Ray could almost see him remembering that Ray wasn’t going to be around in the winter. Ray couldn’t blame him for forgetting. He felt like he’d known Ben forever, and if he wasn’t so worried about being lost, he might have forgotten he wasn’t staying too.

“I should set up camp,” Ben said. “You must be getting cold.”

Ben laid out the bedroll and then hurried off to get some sticks for the fire. Ray thought Ben was going to light it by rubbing two of them together like in the movies, but Ben took the bag from Ray instead.

“Flint and steel for the fire,” he explained.

Ben had it lit in no time and Ray was surprised by how much safer he felt. It was kind of cozy. He huddled in front of the fire with Ben right next to him, and if he leaned against Ben a little bit, well, Ben was right about him being cold.

“I never thought I’d like it out here,” Ray said.

“In Inuvik?”

“Outdoors. Real outdoors, not city outdoors. But it’s nice. Quiet, but not if you really listen.”

The look Ben gave him was a little shy. “I’m glad you like it here. Out of all the places I’ve lived, Inuvik is my favorite, and the woods are my favorite part of Inuvik. I’ve learned a lot here.”

“About plants?”

Another one of those little smiles. “About plants, yeah, but also about myself. About growing up. I met Quinn here the day I killed a caribou.”

“Killed,” not “shot.” What was that about?

“Your first time hunting? I’ve never gone hunting before.”

“Good. You shouldn’t.”

“No?”

“Not unless you’re going to eat the meat and use the hide.”

“And you didn’t eat the meat?”

“I did, after, but that’s not why I killed it. Innusiq and most of the other boys in the village had already gone out hunting on their own, but my grandparents didn’t want me to. I didn’t understand why, so I ran away. Quinn found me, but he didn’t make me go back. He tried to get me to go home, but I wouldn’t go back, so he led me to the caribou.”

“Why’d he take you there if he didn’t want you to do it?”

“That’s what I asked him. He wouldn’t give me a straight answer, but I think it was because he knew that if I wouldn’t listen, I was going to have to learn for myself. He took me there and I shot my first caribou. But I didn’t need the meat or the hide and I killed it just because I had something to prove.”

“I pissed myself in the middle of a robbery,” Ray said.

“What?”

“Ehm, I guess that’s my caribou story. Worst memory, right?”

“I suppose so.”

Just like that, Ray found himself blurting out the story with Stella and Ellery and the bank. It was only fair to trade, he figured, and there was something about Ben that made him want to open up.

“So what happened with you and Stella?”

“Oh, she didn’t like me like that.”

“I’m sorry to hear it.” He didn’t sound too sorry.

“Nah, that’s ok. We got to be friends after that. I’ve never had a girl for a friend before, but it’s great. _She’s_ great. Never bullies people to prove that she’s tough or anything. Sort of like you—I mean not that you’re a girl, but…”

“That’s all right, Ray. I understand what you mean.”

Ray’s eyelids were starting to droop and he shifted to lie down on the bedroll. His head ended up next to Ben’s lap, and for a moment he let himself imagine Ben petting his hair.

“When you asked about what I do for fun before, I forgot to tell you that I dance. Stella got me into it and we’ve been taking lessons together. We’re a good team, me and her. Sometimes I feel like she’s the only one who gets me back home, and when we’re dancing it’s like proof that she gets me, you know? We sync up just right.”

“You don’t wish your relationship with her was, uh, different, though?”

“I did for a while.” He paused to yawn. “But I don’t anymore. What we’ve got is good, and I wouldn’t change it. I’m happy.”

Ben said something after that, but Ray didn’t hear the words. All he heard was Ben’s voice and the little popping sounds from the fire before he drifted off.

\-----

Ray’s pillow was hard, which was weird. His back was cold, but there was something warm in front of him, and he pressed closer to it. It…? Him… Ben. Oh right, that was Ben. Ray probably shouldn’t be this close then, but Ben was so warm and Ray was happy where he was. Maybe he’d just go back to sleep.

“Ray?”

“Hmmm?”

“I have to get up to put out the fire.”

“Hmmm.”

Ben pried himself out from where Ray was basically on top of him, and that was what woke Ray up all the way. Oh no. He’d already broken bed-sharing rule number one: don’t sleep on top of the other person.

“Here, give me your glasses. I’ll move them so you won’t roll over on them in your sleep.”

Yeah, that way he’d only roll over on Ben. Ray had to open his eyes, otherwise his only choice would be to try and toss the glasses over, and with his luck they’d probably land in the fire before Ben got a chance to put it out. It was worth it to see Ben crouching next to the fire, looking even warmer in the orange light. His hair looked so soft and his face looked so bright, and he was smiling. Even when Ben put the fire out, Ray could still see that picture in his mind. He had the silly idea that he always would.

Ray scooted over to the edge of the bedroll to give Ben some room, and Ben lay back down on the other side, facing away and leaving a little space between them. Ray tried to go back to sleep, but without the fire, all he could focus on was the cold. When he started to shiver, Ben turned back over to face him.

“If, uh, if you want, you can go back to where you were before. I mean, for body heat.”

Earlier Ray would have passed on that offer because there was still the whole “sleeping next to this guy I’m really into” thing, but at this point, he didn’t care about that at all. The only thing that mattered was not freezing his ass off, and if that meant cuddling with Ben, that was just an added bonus.

“You don’t mind?”

“Not at all.”

Ray scooted back towards Ben and huddled close, and Ben put an arm around him. Ray was perfectly warm when he fell asleep again.

\-----

Ray didn’t wake up feeling nearly as good. He had bruises from lying on twigs and stones, and he had bug bites and Ben was _whistling_. Who did that? Ben was sitting on a stump and whittling, and he had the bag back, so he must have been up for a while already. It was hard to tell what time it was since it was light most of the time anyway, but Ray didn’t feel like he’d gotten nearly enough sleep, and now that he was awake, the whole cuddling thing was pretty embarrassing. Ben had already found him crying and Ray had told him the bank story, but that was still different than cuddling up to someone who was just trying to keep him warm. That was about being helpful, not about Ben actually enjoying it. Ben was the kind of guy who offered to take complete strangers all the way through the woods. He’d put up with Ray because that was the kind thing to do.

Ben didn’t even look up when he said, “Oh good, you’re up.” Of course Super Boy Scout didn’t need to look up to know Ray was awake.

“Yeah, it’s freaking fantastic.”

“Well you can go back to sleep if you want but I thought you wanted to get back to your parents.” Geez. Snippy Super Boy Scout. Just what Ray needed.

Ray sat up and did his best to stretch out the bits that hurt. His legs weren’t too happy about the hiking. “Of course I want to get back to my parents but some people don’t wake up all chipper and ready to go.”

Ben stopped whittling, and put the wood and knife down. “I happen to enjoy mornings.”

“I happen not to.”

“Do you want breakfast?”

“Energy bars again? No thank you.”

“Well it’s all I have. That or pemmican.”

“There’s no way I’m going to eat that stuff,” Ray said. “It’s disgusting.”

“You’ve never tried it.”

“It’s a big ball of fat.”

“I like it.”

“Normal people don’t eat that stuff.”

“They do here. You don’t have to be rude about it.”

“I’m not being rude.”

“Well you’re not being especially courteous.”

That was it. Where did Ben get off telling Ray how to act?“Oh, lay off it. Who says stuff like that? What century are you from, you freak?”

Ben stood up and took a step towards him. “Ray,” His voice was quiet, but sharp. Good. Now he was getting into the spirit. “Stop it.”

“Or else?”

Another step. “Just stop it.”

“You think you’re better than me or something?” Okay, so he wasn’t a genius or wilderness survival expert, and he didn’t have perfect manners, he wasn’t nice to everyone all the time, and he didn’t have the world’s most beautiful laugh, but most people didn’t.

Ben took one more step, and then he was right in Ray’s face. “I _don’t_ think—”

Ray was not having this. This was not gonna fly. He shoved Ben back, and the next thing he knew, he was on the ground and Ben was top of him.

“Ray,” he hissed, “listen—”

“Get the hell off of me.”

“Ray.”

“I mean it.”

“Ray.”

Ray managed to roll them over, but Ben just pinned him again.

Ray looked up at Ben, and he still looked kind of angry, but also kind of confused, and he wasn’t moving. Neither was Ray. It was like everything just stopped. For some reason, Ray found himself looking at Ben’s mouth, which was pretty, like the rest of him was pretty, and Ray heard Ben let out a surprised breath, and then Ray was kissing him. He didn’t plan on it or anything, but suddenly he was doing it. That was such a bad idea, and Ray was going to die of embarrassment, but then his brain caught up and he realized that Ben was kissing him back.

It only lasted for a moment, and then Ben sat up and pulled Ray up with him. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“What? No, it was my fault.” Ray was the one who’d kissed Ben, after all.

“I shouldn’t have knocked you over like that.” Oh, so that’s what Ben was apologizing for.

“I started that too. And I didn’t mean any of that stuff, you know. I don’t think you’re a freak. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met, but in a good way. You’re smart, and I’m kind of jealous about that, but I know you don’t think that you’re better than me. You’re the nicest person I know. You don’t think of people that way. And I, uh, like you a lot.”

“I like you a lot too.” They just smiled at each other for a moment like complete dorks, which Ray guessed they kind of were, but that was okay. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like something to eat? You might feel a little better with something in your stomach.”

“You got any more of the oatmeal ones?”

“There are two left.”

Ray kept sneaking looks at Ben while they ate. They probably weren’t going to talk about that fight again, but Ben had said he liked Ray, so it wasn’t like he was going to be mad at Ray or anything. Besides, Ben seemed happy, and it sounded like he’d been happy cuddling with Ray the night before, so everything was good. It was weird that fighting had actually made things better, but Ray was more than fine with that.

“We should probably get going,” Ben said. “Your parents must be worried about you.”

Ray didn’t want to go, but Ben was right. This time Ray was the one who put the wrappers in the bag. He wanted Ben to see that he was learning.

\-----

Meeting up with his mom again wasn’t so fun. Ray saw her before she saw him, and instantly he felt guilty. It wasn’t like he’d meant to get lost, but it was still his fault for going off the trail in the first place, and she looked horrible. She was sitting at the picnic table, slumped forward even though she was always going on about how Ray shouldn’t slouch.

She didn’t look mad when she saw him, though. She all but flung herself at him and squeezed him so hard that it hurt.

“Stanley! Where have you been?” Ben looked at Ray, and Ray tried to get ‘I’ll tell you later’ across with a look over his mom’s shoulder. “We were worried sick. There are people out looking for you. The only reason I’m not out there is that we wanted to make sure there was someone here if you came back.” She kept her hands on his arms, stepping back just far enough to examine him at arm’s length.

“Sorry. I got lost.”

“What if something happened to you?”

“I won’t do it again.”

“I’ll say you won’t! Are you hurt?”

“Just a skinned knee.” Finally she let him go. “Ben made sure I was okay.”

It was the first time his mom noticed Ben at all.

“Thank you for bringing my son back to me.” She hugged him, hopefully more gently than she’d hugged Ray, and Ben went still and his shoulders got all stiff. He also looked proud, though, and Ray wondered if Ben didn’t get enough appreciation at home. Maybe people out here were different and they just saw Ben as another kid or something, but Ben was special and he ought to know it.

“I was glad to help.”

Ray’s dad came back, dragging his feet and looking miserable. “Barbara,” he said, “We still haven’t found--” He looked up. “...Stanley.” At first he just stared at them, and then he narrowed his eyes and stormed forward. “Well it’s about time,” he snapped. “What the hell did you think you were doing?”

“I…”

“I told you to stay with us.”

“I know.”

“So what happened?”

What could he say? “I got bored.”

“You got bored.”

Ray glanced over at Ben, who was shifting a little and looking away. It was never fun to get stuck in the middle of a fight.

He turned back to his dad to apologize again. “Look, really am sorry.”

“You’re always sorry, but you never learn. What is it with you?”

Ray didn’t answer. He didn’t have any excuses to give and he’d already said ‘sorry’ twice, so there wasn’t anything else he could do.

“I should probably go,” Ben said. “My grandparents will be expecting me.”

“That’s a good idea. Don’t keep them waiting.”

“Damian,” Ray’s mom warned.

“Well he shouldn’t. _Someone’s_ guardians shouldn’t have to worry.”

“Damian, this is Ben. He found Stanley and brought him back.”

“Oh.” Ray’s dad clasped Ben’s shoulder, the way he did when he was proud of Ray. “Thank you, Ben. That’s very kind of you.”

Ben twitched. “It’s no problem. I really should get back, though.”

Ben started to edge away, but Ray grabbed his arm. “Wait. Ehm, will you come back tomorrow? Maybe we could go hiking. On the trail this time.”

Ray’s mom glared at him. “We’re going to wait a while before we even consider letting you go hiking again, and if we decide it’s ok, you have to stick with Ben. No heading off by yourself.”

“I promise. But can Ben come here, tomorrow? I mean, if you want to, Ben.”

For the first time since they got to the campsite, Ben smiled. “I’d love to.”

“That would be fine, then.”

“Barbara,” Ray’s dad snapped. “You could at least ask me.” Ray already knew his dad would end up along with it, but he had to argue just for the look of it.

“Oh hush. He’s far less likely to get into trouble with a responsible friend to keep an eye on him. ” She turned to Ray with another of her ‘I’m very disappointed in you, young man’ glares. “You understand that there will be severe consequences if you do anything to get into trouble.”

“I got it.”

“Good. Ben, if it’s all right with your grandparents, you can come by at around two.”

“That would be great.”

Ben hurried it out of there, and Ray didn’t blame him. Ray was in for a big lecture from both his parents, and no one wanted to see that. There would be hell to pay if he did anything else to worry them on this trip, but he thought his mom would probably give him a second chance.

\-----

The next five days went by too quickly, but Ray got to spend a lot of it with Ben. Sometimes they just hung around and talked, and sometimes Ben took him hiking. Ray’s parents gave him one chance to prove he wasn’t going to get lost again and when he and Ben got back to the campsite exactly when they promised, his parents decided it was okay for them to go again.

Ray didn’t hold Ben’s hand or anything, but they walked close together and their shoulders bumped and whenever Ben said something funny, Ray put an arm around his shoulder. And the day before Ray had to go, Ben gave him a present.

“I want to show you something.”

“What?”

“You’ll see. We won’t have a lot of time, though, so we need to get moving.”

“Sounds good. What have you got there?”

“Food. I thought we could eat lunch when we get there.”

“Real food, right? No bars?”

“No bars.”

“Promise?”

“Don’t you trust me?”

“You know I do.” After Ben had saved his ass in the woods, forgiven Ray for picking a fight, and, oh yeah, shared his most embarrassing moment with Ray and didn’t judge Ray for the bank thing, how could Ray not trust him?

“Come on, then.”

“Give me a hint.”

“You’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Just a little one.”

“Not even a little one. No hints.”

“Beeeen.”

“Nope.” Ben hesitated for a moment. “I can show you more plants if you like.”

“Sure.” By now Ray was starting to understand why Ben liked learning this stuff. It was kind of fun, even though Ray never remembered what Ben told him.

“That one with the round, red flowers is roseroot.”

“What’s the Latin name?”

“I thought you didn’t like it when I told you.”

Ray stopped short and grabbed Ben’s arm to keep him there.

“Ben, no. I didn’t mean any of that stuff. I’m just not a morning person, and I was kind of freaked out.”

“Why?”

“Well, you know…”

“I don’t.”

“Because I was kind of cuddling with you before.”

“And that freaked you out?”

“Yeah. No.” Ray gave frustrated shrug. “I mean, yeah it did, but not because you’re a guy. Just, I didn’t know how you felt about it and I didn’t know what to do if you were pissed about it.”

“I was happy, though. In fact you were angry that I was happy.”

“I know. I’m not saying it makes sense or anything; I just get shaken up sometimes. I end up thinking that something’s gonna go wrong and then even if nothing happens, the feeling still doesn’t go away, and I get pissed off ‘cause I don’t like feeling that like.”

“Oh.”

“Is that a good ‘oh’ or a bad ‘oh?’”

“It’s just an ‘I understand’ ‘oh.’”

“I’m really sorry, Ben.”

“I know,” Ben said. “It’s okay.” He didn’t say anything else for a moment, and then he smiled and said, “Rhodiola integrifolia.”

“You really do know all of these.” They kept going, and geez this hill seemed to last forever, but Ray kept asking Ben questions, which took his mind off it. “What about those ones that look like weird pinecones?”

“Groundcone. Boschniakia rossica.”

“And that one over there is the cat cafeteria, right?” That got Ray another of those giggles.

“Right.”

When they got to the top of the hill Ray understood why Ben had wanted to make the trek up here so badly. The trees thinned out until there were only a few scattered around, and in front of them was a steep drop with a view over the conifers and all the way to the water. The sun coming through the trees around them made patterns on the ground, and somehow that made the water look even brighter.

“Wow. That’s really something.”

“I come up here when I need to think, or just get away from everything.”

Ben gestured for Ray to sit with him on a rock that was close enough to the edge to get a perfect view, but far enough that they didn’t have a risk of falling off of it.

“Thanks for bringing me up here.”

“I wanted you to see it before you go.” Ben sounded as sad as Ray felt.

“I wish I could stay longer.”

“I wish you could too.” Ben shifted to lean against Ray. “But school is starting soon.” Ray made a face, and even though Ben couldn’t see it, he said, “It’s a necessary evil.”

“I bet you’re looking forward to it though, since you like learning things.”

“Not really.” Ben looked away like he had when Ray’s dad had been lecturing him. “I don’t have a lot of friends.”

Ray moved so he could face Ben. “What about the ones you play hockey with?”

“They’re great, but I can see them during the summer anyway.”

“You get picked on a lot?”

“Not really. The other students just don’t like me very much.”

It wasn’t hard for Ray to figure out why. Ben was weird, and it would be frustrating to be in class with a guy that smart, but still, there was something wrong with those kids if they couldn’t see that Ben was amazing.

“I get that. I’ve got a handful of friends, but I’m not exactly Mr. Popularity either. The ‘scrawny with dorky glasses’ look isn’t working out too well for me.”

“I don’t think you’re scrawny at all and I like your glasses.”

“Thanks.” Ray was sure his smile looked ridiculous, but that was okay.

“Uh, here.” Ben rummaged in his bag and pulled out two sandwiches wrapped in clingfilm. “I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I brought different ones.”

“No lichen or anything?”

“Nope.  Just regular peanut butter and jelly or salami, cheese, and tomato.”

Salami sounded great, but... “Are you sure it’s ok for me to take the one with the tomato?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I figure it’s kinda hard to grow stuff here.”

“There’s a greenhouse, so it’s not as hard as you’d think. And…” Was that a blush? “Even if we didn’t have one and I got a tomato somehow, I’d still give it to you if you wanted.”

“How about we split them?”

“I don’t know how well they would go together, but…”

“Come on,” Ray said. “It’s not any weirder than having lunch and then dessert if we eat the salami one first.”

They ate their food without talking at all. Ray still wasn’t used to all the hiking, and it always made him hungry. He also usually forgot that he was hungry until he started eating. When he was hanging out with Ben, it was easy to forget about everything else.

“Do you think you’re going to go to college after you graduate?” Ray asked once he’d polished off both halves of his sandwiches.

“I might. My grandparents want me to, but I want to be an RCMP officer.”

“A what?”

“A Mountie,” Ben explained.

“Like Dudley Do-Right?”

Ben made one of those earnest faces he used when he was trying to pull one over on Ray “Like my dad, but also like Dudley Do-Right.”

“I want to go to the Police Academy. My dad would kill me, but since the whole bank thing I’ve started thinking that I want to be able to do something about stuff like that.”

“Mounties are kind of like cops, you know. If we lived in the same country, we could work together.”

“I bet we’d make a great team,” Ray said. “Shake, bad guys, shake! They’d never know what hit ‘em.”

“They certainly wouldn’t. I’m not sure there are that many bad guys out there, though.”

“Really? How come you want to be a cop, then?”

“I want to keep people from doing bad things and bring them to justice if they do, if that’s what you mean, but I don’t think there are a lot of people who are fundamentally bad out there. They get into bad situations and make bad choices, but I think mostly they just need help. Someone needs to show them that there are better ways to solve their problems, and that’s what I want to do.”

“What about Ellery? Do you think he was a good person?”

“I don’t know, Ben said. “It’s possible. Maybe he needed the money to feed his family and he couldn’t think of another way or something like that, but maybe he was just greedy.”

“I think he was just a bad guy. A good person wouldn’t threaten a kid like Stella.”

“Hmm. You’re probably right. He probably thought she’d be more likely to cooperate than an adult would be, but that’s not a good excuse.”

They sat together, just looking at the view until Ben bumped his shoulder against Ray’s.

“Why did your mom call you Stanley?”

“Oh, that. It’s my real name. Stanley Raymond Kowalski.”

“Stanley Kowalski? You mean like from the play?”

“Nah, the movie. My dad’s a Brando fan, and I guess he couldn’t resist. Hell of a thing to do to your son, though. I’ve been going by Ray for the last year or so. Stan’s an awful name anyway.”

“If it makes you feel any better, my full name is Benton Fraser.”

“I’ve never heard Benton as a first name before.”

“Not many people have.” Ben slumped a little and sighed. “We should probably start heading back.”

Ray couldn’t think of anything he’d like to do less, but Ben was right. He started to get up, but before he had a chance, Ben grabbed his arm and pulled him back down, and kissed him. That just made Ray want to leave even less, but Ben insisted and Ray had already figured out that when Ben insisted, Ray always ended up giving in.

But if they dragged out the walk back a little, well, Ben said they’d only be five minutes late, and Ben would know. Ray was trying to take it well, but that didn’t make it any easier to leave. He could tell that Ben is felt just as bad about it, and seeing Ben unhappy shouldn’t have made him feel better, but in this case it did.

“I know we can’t call each other,” Ray said, “but you have to promise you’ll write, okay?”

“Of course I will. I’ll write you the Latin names of every flower I see just to annoy you.”

“I’ll send you a picture of Stella. Maybe get someone to get a shot of us dancing even though it’ll come out all blurry.”

“I’ll send you one of my friends and I playing hockey.”

Ray grabbed Ben’s hand. “And every time you move somewhere else, you have to tell me where to send my next letter to before you go.”

“I will.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Good.”

Ray couldn’t resist, and he let go of Ben’s hand to pull him into a tight hug, and he could tell how comfortable Ben was with him because he didn’t hesitate to hug him back, even for a second.

When Ben dropped Ray back at the campsite, Ray wanted to kiss him one more time or at least hug him again, but he couldn’t do that in front of his parents so he settled for waving goodbye instead. From the smile Ben gave him, Ray was pretty sure Ben knew what he meant.

\-----

It was nice to be home, but Ray missed Ben enough that Stella had started making fun of him for it. Ray had never told her that he liked guys as well as girls, but he was pretty sure she knew. She was good at figuring out stuff about people. Ray was in his room, trying to focus on homework and failing miserably when his mom yelled up to him.

“Stanley, there’s mail for you.”

Ray rushed to the living room, grabbed the letter from her, and ran back to his room to read.

_Dear Ray,_

_It’ll probably take a while for you to get this letter. Knowing you, I’m sure you’ve been entirely impatient. I won’t pretend that I’m going to be any better, though. That’s one of the problems with living so far apart, but there’s nothing we can do about it. I find it helps to remember that if we lived a few centuries back, there wouldn’t even be post offices in either of our countries. Imagine how long it would take to get a letter then._

_I already miss hiking with you. I dragged June along today and it’s still nice to have company, but I miss having your company. We saw some wila today. It has a couple different names in English, but I think the one you’d like best is “edible horsehair lichen.” The Latin name is bryoria fremontii. I did warn you that I’d be sending you more plant facts. There was also plenty of catnip. Do you remember the Latin name for that one?_

_I don’t think I told you this, but Innusiq and I were friends when we were little. I moved to Alert when I was eight, and then to Tuktoyaktuk after that, but I met him again when I came back here two years ago. My dad says that he and his partner went years without seeing each other, but they were always partners no matter what, and they still wound up working together in the end. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m sure we’re going to meet again someday._

_Love,_ _Ben_

Ray hoped he was right. After all, Ben was right about a lot of things.


End file.
